Rapunzel

i went to visit a friend of mine the other day, i haven't known her my whole life but she was just someone who fit. you know, like really just works with who you are and who you need in your life. someone worth keeping around. we met while we were still kids, not while we were super young, but while we were letting ourselves be kids for a moment, caught up in trying to feel the same way we used to when we truly were children. i was going for a walk, pretending i was walking the same woods i would walk at home, to school, from school, to friend's houses, from friend's houses, to work, from work. i don't know which was the last reason i ever walked those trails, but i was pretending there wasn't a last. 

walking, it was a beautiful day, not that i remember the sky, the heat, the wind, or was it rain? it was beautiful, it must have been. when i first saw her she was a brilliant streak of blonde hair in the middle of the wet green and shady brown of the trees. 

there was a fort in the trees along the path that i had chosen, and there was a woman also pretending being a kid again inside of it. she was leaning over the only half built railing, peering, with one hand keeping the sun from her eyes placed over her brow, looking as if one of those sirens from those old stories had actually found itself captain of a ship. i don't think we ever would have met if this moment in time was only a few moments off, and i don't think that if we met any other way that we would ever have thought twice about saying hello. 

when she saw me she didn't even skip a beat, calling out to me as a captain, asking who goes where i was standing and asking for a full report on sailing conditions. i played along, i was a fisherman, tired and weary from a long day's work and the disappointing bounty it gave. sailing conditions were fair but i had fished these waters with my father, and him with his father before him, and so on for many ages. the waters may be fair now but i could tell there would be a storm tonight, i told her i feared if i would make it home. 

"oh!" she said, "well come on up then!" or something equally as out of character and full of energy. i climbed up, having nothing else to do was the last reason i did. i was busy being a kid, and apparently she was too. when i got up and poked my head through the floor i was surprised- she had glass pop bottles, blankets, blankets and peanut butter and jam sandwiches. and hair. so much hair! it fell from her head to the floor and curled around a bit with the extra length.

i asked her what she was doing even though i had a vague idea anyways, and she told me she was looking for something, "just a place" she said. "you know, where i'll end up." i remember thinking that she may have meant a little more than she let on but didn't question it. i mean we're all doing the same. even when we're walking we're looking towards our destination. 

she asked me what i was doing and think i sort of stumbled over my words not knowing what to say, the long and short of it is that i told her i was being a kid, and she didn't even probe, she just understood. 

i didn't know it then but i had climbed up into the ship of someone who would change my life forever, as she explained to me that wherever we are and wherever we go is all determined by who you bump into along the way to wherever you're going. neither of us spoke about anything that was outside the world of two kids in a sailing ship up in the treetops for the rest of the time. there were metaphors and definitely things to be read between the lines, sure, but we kept it as it would have been were we younger. as the storm came she yelled orders and i'd hoist the flag, tie and untie ropes, man the canon and search for where we were going. for a while we weren't sure our ship would make it through, but it did. she credited it to her commanding skills. i couldn't disagree.

it got dark soon after and we looked to the northern star, hoping it would help guide us. she told me stories about constellations that i hadn't heard before, it turned out she was pretty into that kind of stuff. she knew everything about anything that you would never need to know, and i had never heard most of it before. 

we ate, settled down and without a care in the world about morning obligations we slept. close to keep warm, wrapped up in the blankets she had. in the last few words we said to each other she told me her name was Rapunzel. i didn't believe her at first, i thought she was still just playing along but i didn't want to ruin the adventure by pressing further. 

when i woke up she was gone. she left the blankets and had apparently climbed down very quietly. 

i don't know why she left so suddenly in the morning, i never found out. but maybe it was better that way? i did find her again, after all, even if there was a few years between the two meetings. 

That random meet had been on my mind a lot, so i set out to find this person who had so left her mark on me. it took up most of my free time for a while, but it was winter and it's not like there's much to do in the cold anyways, nor is there much to do more rewarding than finding someone so incredible. 

i got next to nowhere doing what i was doing, what tipped me off at first was a friends kid, i overheard her telling her mom that the new teacher isn't nearly as nice as Rapunzel, that she missed her and hopes she gets better. 

i felt kind of weird but i asked around, asking questions about someone i didn't even know. i did find her though; there was a picture in the newspaper of her standing next to her class of kindergartners, they had raised a bunch of money for the school's new playground, and some company was recognizing them for it. 

there she was, stunning even in black and white, her hair still just as long, only braided and rebraided over and over again. i guess that would kind of get in the way of any kind of work. i asked the staff at the school about her, saying i was an old friend who wanted to reconnect or at least say hi. i didn't even know what i would say. anything would sound strange. who was i kidding? i was being strange. i was a stranger. 

she was away on sick leave, apparently it was pretty serious as they were making no assumptions on when she would be back, or if she even can come back afterwards. 

i called the hospital and explained that i would like to set up a visit with her. the receptionist wasn't sure she could do that as i was not immediate family and she wasn't in the best condition, so i asked to speak with who was taking care of her to see if i could tell my story and maybe figure something out. that was acceptable. 

it turns out that her doctor was a friend of hers, and when i told her how we had met and that i would like to say hello she didn't hesitate to say it was okay. she looked like she had just been holding her breath for something and could now breath. i guessed the girl didn't get many visitors. her doctor let me know i was right, and told me i must be an angel or something, as Rapunzel had just told her about the boy she met in the woods one time the other day. 

i set up an appointment for the next day. the doctor said sooner would be better, i wasn't about to question that. 

when i got to her door i stopped. it was room 137. the door was a faded blue. it was on the right side of the hallway and the metal guard on the bottom had scuffs on it from stretcher wheels and the no-slip soles of doctor's shoes. there was a small window in the door, with some sort of mesh in the glass. i looked through it, as if to check this was really the right room. i wanted to be sure. i didn't want to disturb anyone else who was in the terminal ward. 

there she was. sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare, hanging just off the floor. it looked cold. her knees were together, she looked cold. her head was tilted forward, with eyes cast down and lips pursed, she looked defeated. cold. her hands were in her lap, on top of the baby blue hospital apron. they were clutching a yellow mass, it was wrapped around her fingers and fell beside her, behind her. it was her hair.

i almost turned around. i had no idea if she would even recognize me. retelling the story might be nice but having the person show up out of nowhere after years of no communication? that sounds like a bad time.

i opened the door before i could really think about it too much. when she looked up at me, she didn't look. she couldn't. there were eyes, but there was nothing in them. they were still as green as the leaves i first spied her through, but the looked towards me, not at me. i had never actually asked her doctor why she was here, i was too concerned that i wouldn't be let in to ask. 

i didn't know what to say, my voice kind of cracked but i managed a hello. a quick smile flashed across her face and she said "well, hello to you too." 

"do you know who i am?" i asked. "i heard i was lucky enough to have a visitor, that you sound like a nice enough man, and that i knew you from years ago." she let out a little laugh, a quick laugh. one that when you hear it you know it's only there to make an impossibly sad situation a little lighter. "i bet i look a little different now, don't i?" she sort of played with her hands and the hair that was it in before she realized she was still holding it. she quickly put the wig back on, a little crooked and she looked embarrassed. "no," i said, "you're just as pretty... the blue aprons are making a come-back i hear." that made her laugh a bit, a genuine laugh. she said they had told her it was green, that that was her favourite colour, but that it didn't matter much anyhow since she can't see it. she didn't know it, but her eyes were green enough for all the aprons. i told her. she smiled. 

"so why are you here? it's not very fun visiting someone in the hospital. if it was you wouldn't be my only visitor."

"well, i wanted to ask you something actually."

"okay" she said, "what's that?"

"well..." i paused, not really sure what to say, i'd been talking without any real direction so far. it almost seemed unreal, but i continued.

"how are the sailing conditions ahead?" 

there was a laugh, a quick laugh, but her face sunk and the laugh turned into a light tearless sob. the question was meant to give myself away and bring her back to when we met. i had asked how she was doing. 

i was so stupid.  

she was about to cry and i could hear it in her voice.

"well cap'n, there's a storm a'brewin."